Which Side of the Fence is the Dream?
by BelieveInNargles13
Summary: Takes place after 3x06: Don't Hate the Player. What I think happened later that night when neither Myka nor Claudia could sleep after the days events. Claudia can't trust her own mind and it's up to the other agents to convince her what's real and what isn't.
1. Chapter 1

**Which side of the fence is the dream?**

**AN:**_This story begins after episode 3x06: Don't Hate the Player. Just my thoughts as to what happened later that night. Written as a one-shot that could possibly be added to if I get around to it. Let me know if you want more. I obviously own nothing related to Warehouse 13 except for a couple DVDs. Are disclaimers really necessary on this site? Isn't the point that everyone is taking something that isn't theirs and using it to make a story?_

_The title of their story come from Erin Morgenstern's amazing Novel _The Night Circus. _"You think as you walk away from Le Cirque des Reves and into the creeping dawn, that you felt more awake within the confines of the circus. You are no longer quite certain which side of the fence is the dream."_

* * *

Despite the catharsis that Claudia said she felt after defeating her doctor in the video game world, Myka could tell she wasn't really okay afterwards. But she didn't push it at the time. They had more pressing things to worry about. They all needed to make it out of Fargo's game alive.

But that night, Myka couldn't sleep. She kept thinking about the pure terror she saw in Claudia's face when she was strapped to the bed, and the way she kept her face turned away immediately afterwards.

She looked at the clock. 3:17 AM.

Maybe a glass of water would help her sleep. Or possibly some Twizzlers. Myka got up, pulled on some socks, and headed towards the kitchen. As she walked down the hall, she saw light under Claudia's door. Claudia was always up to all hours of the night doing god only knows what on her computer, but this was late even for her. Maybe she had fallen asleep with her light on.

Myka tiptoed over to her door. Sure enough, she heard a ferocious clicking of keys with a speed that could only have belonged to Claudia. There was a pause in the typing that was filled with a long sigh before the typing resumed again. Myka quietly rapped on her door and whispered, "Claudia?" There was another break in the typing sound. "It's Myka. Can I come in?"

"Come in? Um… Yeah… Yeah! Come in! It's unlocked."

Myka opened the door and saw Claudia sitting cross-legged on top of her bed in a tank top and pajama pants, laptop in front of her, open but with the screen tilted down so Myka couldn't see what she had been doing on it.

"And what brings you into my vast kingdom on this late evening, m'lady?" Claudia asked of Myka, echoing the dialogue in the game they had been trapped in only hours earlier.

Myka sat down at the foot of Claudia's bed. "Couldn't sleep." She spoke normally, too tired to play along with what Claudia had started. "Sometimes my brain just won't shut up, you know? Went to get a drink of water and saw your light on under your door. Thought I'd come in and ask you what you were still doing awake at 3 o'clock in the morning. Wanted to make sure you were okay after everything that happened in the game today."

Claudia looked at the clock in her room and a, obviously fake, shocked look crossed her face, as if she had no idea what time it was. "Woah! Didn't realize how late it had gotten. Been up doing the computer-y things," she waved her hands over the gadget, "and guess I lost track of time. I just have a few things I want to finish up and I should be asleep in 30-45 minutes max!" She picked up her computer and placed it on her lap, seemingly in determination to finish whatever it was she had been working on.

"Yeah," Myka said, "I'm sure." She glanced over at Claudia's bedside table where one open and one unopen energy drink sat.

Claudia followed her gaze and a guilty expression slid over her face. But it melted away as she thought up her excuse for having those handy.

"Well, you know how it is," she began with a small, and again obviously fake, smile. "You get an idea for a project and you know you won't be able to sleep until it's done anyways, so why fight it?" She shrugged, still grinning.

"Claud, I don't have to be Steve to know you're lying right now." Claudia looked away from her and down at the computer on her lap. "And you still haven't answered the other part of my question. The part about how you were doing after what happened in the video game world?"

The fake smile flew back. "Great! Like I said. Big catharsis for me!"

"Claudia..." Myka said accusingly, knowing she was still trying to just brush off her questioning without giving any real answers.

Claudia looked away again. "I'll be fine. It's just that seeing the doctor again brought back a lot of things I've been trying to forget about," she finally admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Myka offered.

"Not really."

"It might make you feel better. Enough so that you might not need to open that second energy drink."

Claudia closed her laptop the rest of the way and set it aside, but still didn't say anything. Myka decided to risk prying a bit.

"When you kidnapped Artie, and Pete and I were looking for the two of you, we found out that you checked yourself into the psychiatric hospital. But it didn't specify why."

"I began seeing my dead brother! I thought he was haunting me! My foster mother at the time heard me screaming one of the first times he came to me, so I told her I had been seeing him. She kept telling me he wasn't there, that he wasn't real. But I kept seeing him and I kept arguing that he was and started lashing out at her. She was the one who decided I should be institutionalized. Thought I would hurt her, one of the other kids, or maybe myself because I still couldn't accept the fact that my parents and siblings were all dead."

"Siblings? Plural?"

Claudia nodded. "Claire. She died in the car crash that killed my parents as well."

Myka wondered why Claudia had never mentioned Claire before, but decided to stay closer to the issue at hand. "How long were you there for?"

"Only about six months. Then I turned 18 and they couldn't keep me there anymore. None of the meds nor any of the therapy they had given me made me stop seeing Josh so I was convinced he had to be real. At this point I also gained control over the bank accounts that contained the little money that my family had left. I bought a laptop, started renting an apartment, and started doing research on Josh's experiment, which led me to Artie and the Warehouse."

None of this really explained why Claudia's worst fear was going back there. "Okay. But what happened while in there? Why is that the fear that showed up in the game that one and not losing Joshua again, or Artie, or something like that?"

Caudia took a deep breath. Despite the energy drink in her system, she seemed too tired to fight Myka's interrogation any more than she already had. This probably wasn't her first sleepless night recently.

"I try not to think about what really went on in there, which is why when I do mention it, I talk about it so nonchalantly. Nowadays, 'psychiatriac hospitals' are supposed to be about recovery using medication and talking about your feelings. The one I was at was a bad one. No where near as bad as they used to be. But the nurses were cruel and crazy religious. Really didn't like it when I told them I was atheist. I think they gave me extra bible homework because of that. The doctors just didn't want to be there so weren't really invested in helping their patients. When I refused to believe them and started fighting them, they would yell at me, sedate me, restrain me, sometimes they would even hit me. The only reason they let me leave when they did was because I was stubborn and they were tired of fighting me."

"You? Stubborn? Now there's a surprise." Immediately after meeting Claudia she realized how stubborn the girl could be. And despite how annoying the quality was, Myka always admired it in Claudia.

Claudia gave a short laugh, then pulled her knees to her chest and ran her fingers through her short, red hair, pushing back her bangs. Afterwards she shook them back into place with a sigh.

Myka slid up the bed so she was sitting next to Claudia and wrapped her arm around the girl, rubbing her back. This was a side of Claudia she had never seen before. This girl was so strong and seemed to be overall carefree. She had insecurities like any girl her age does, but never before had Myka thought she would ever use the words 'broken' or 'vulnerable' to describe her. Looking at her now, those were the first two words that came to mind.

Claudia's eyes were wet, but she didn't allow any of the tears to spill over.

"Dr. Michener kept telling me that I was hallucinating. That the visions of Joshua weren't real. He told me that if I kept seeing him, we would have to take more serious treatment options, including electroshock therapy. He described the process and potential side effects to me, and it was terrifying. That's when I started lying and saying that I made it up because I wanted attention from my foster parents."

Claudia took a deep breath and Myka knew she was about to hear what the real issue was. She could feel the girl trembling slightly under her arm.

"Immediately after I got out, I began having the nightmares. I'd wake up back in the asylum and a nurse or doctor would be standing over me. They'd be telling me that I was back in reality now. They I keep falling into a deep psychosis where I have created a world where my brother is still alive and people accept me as normal. I just go through these periods where I have the dreams every night." She looked up at Myka. Now the tears were streaming down her cheeks. "It just always seems so real! Sometimes I can't tell which world is real. I think it's this one, but then I don't know if that's what I actually think, or if that's just what I want to think. I'm afraid that one of these nights I'll close my eyes, wake up in the asylum, and I'll never be to get back to this world."

Now the sobbing was uncontrollable. Claudia wouldn't have been able to get any more words out if she tried. Myka pulled Claudia closer to her, wrapping both arms tightly around the shaking girl, unsure of what she could say that would convince her of reality.

"Claudia. I'm right here. I promise you from the bottom of my heart that I am real. I'm real. Artie's real. Steve's real. Pete's real. And Joshua is real. You saved him. And you've saved all of us numerous times with you computer skills, intelligence, and cleverness. This world is real. The nightmares are just that. Nightmares."

Myka had no idea what it would be like not to trust your own mind, but the terror that she felt radiating from Claudia told her that it was something she never wanted to find out. After a few minutes, Claudia began to calm down and relax a bit. She pulled away from Myka and picked up her computer again.

"That's what I was working on."

She lifted the lid of her laptop and handed it over to Myka. A document was on the screen. It was a list. Two lists really of why one world might seem more realistic. To Myka's horror, the lists were fairly even in length. No wonder the girl was so confused. Looking over the list, Myka knew this was more than she could handle on her own. She just needed to do her best to convince Claudia this world was real for long enough, until she could talk to Pete and Artie.

"You left out two of the most important and obvious ones," Myka started. "Pete, just in general, and Artie's eyebrows. I mean, how could you make up either of those things?!"

Claudia laughed and wiped the remaining wetness off her cheeks. "You've definitely got a point there! Pete's not exactly someone you could easily make up. And if this world was supposed to be my 'safe place', why would I put something as terrifying as Arties eyebrows in it? In my other reoccurring nightmares they're always eating me." She swats at something invisible in front of her, keeping Artie's eyebrows at bay.

At this Myka couldn't help but laugh as well. The Claudia she knew was back. Hopefully a little less confused and secretly scared than before.

Myka gave Claudia another hug. "Do you think you'll be okay to sleep now?" Claudia nodded and smiled. It looked sincere this time.

Myka got up and started walking towards the door. Before she left, she turned back to Claudia and said, "if you need any more convincing that this is the real world, or anything else for that matter, you know where to find me. Feel free to wake me up for any reason. And if you dream about the doctor, just electrocute him again. Two cathartic experiences in one night are better than one." Claudia laughed and nodded again. Myka smiled and went back to her room. She felt like she could get a few hours of sleep, and in the morning she would talk to Pete and Artie to figure out the next steps.

* * *

As Myka closed the door behind her, the smile faded from Claudia's face.

She reached over and popped open her second energy drink.

She may not always be the greatest liar, but she was extremely convincing when she needed to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:**_ I decided to continue with this story. I wasn't done with it yet. So now it's taking less of a tag scene role and has slipped more into its own story. And I'm changing the rating to T just to be safe. I'm actually not fully sure of exactly where this story is going yet. I know the general direction, but that is it._

_Another disclaimer. I don't claim to know anything about the mental health system! The types of scenarios that occur in Claudia's 'mental health facility' are all completely made up in my mind. But I'm not going to worry too much and just claim that what is unrealistic about it is because we are getting the information from Claudia's point of view, and she sees it as different and worse than it actually is. Or it could actually be what's happening, but it's all happening in her mind. Who really knows?_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Claudia's eyes shot open as she gasped for air. Her body was soaked in a cool sweat. She tried to sit up only to be pulled back down. She recognized the familiar feel of restraints around her wrists and ankles.

_Oh no! Not again!_

She flailed her limbs, pulling against her bindings, screaming in frustration.

"Claudia. Claudia!" she heard a familiar voice calling her name. A voice that caused her to fight harder. "Claudia, it's Dr. Michener. You're in the hospital. You had another one of your episodes, but we got you back. You're going to be okay. Take a deep breath and try to calm down."

Claudia took a deep breath and closed her eyes, but not because the doctor suggested so.

_This is a dream, _she told herself. _A nightmare. Myka told me it was all just a nightmare. None of this is real. I just need to wake up. When I wake up I'll be back in the B&B. I'll just open my eyes and go find Myka. _

She opened her eyes expecting to see the ceiling of her bedroom. Instead, she saw Dr. Michener looming over her.

She started screaming and fighting again. "NO! THIS ISN'T REAL! THIS CAN'T BE REAL! I NEED TO WAKE UP! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Claudia! Calm down!" But it was no use. Claudia would not listen to the man she was so desperate to believe was a just nightmare. "A little help over here!" he called out over his shoulder.

Two male nurses rushed into the room and held her down as the doctor pushed a needle into her arm. Claudia felt a heavy warmth flood through her body. Her muscles became stones too heavy to move. She was left only with control over her mind and eyes, which were racing and darting around the room respectively.

The doctor thanked the nurses as they left and pulled a chair up next to where Claudia lay immobilized. "Hello, Claudia. Welcome back."

Claudia glared at him. She thinks she could have spoken had she tried, but she hoped that if she didn't engage in the nightmare that it would end sooner.

Dr. Michener just smiled at her. "You were gone for a while this time. Was it the Warehouse again?"

Claudia looked away.

"I thought so. You mumbled about a 'Myka' and an 'Artie' a few times. But also a 'Steve'. You never mentioned Steve before. Can you tell me about him?"

Claudia said nothing. Dr. Michener had once described to her what happened during her 'episodes'. She went silent and unresponsive. Almost catatonic. Her official record diagnosed her with things such as 'depression' due to the death of her family, and 'bipolar disorder', in addition to 'catatonic schizophrenia'. During these periods of psychosis, they told her, she would stop whatever she was doing, and sit on the floor. She would start rocking back and forth. Muttering names of people and places she was seeing during her delusions. If someone approached her and tried to move her, she would lash out. It was during these times where the orderlies and nurses would decide that the best thing to do for her safety and the safety of others, she should be restrained.

Dr. Michener gave her a small smile. "Well, we'll have plenty of time to talk about that later. I cleared a slot in my schedule for you. These episodes have become longer and more frequent and we need to figure out why. The sedative we gave you should wear off in the next few minutes." Claudia already felt lighter and was able to move her toes again. "Nurse Harington will stay with you until then. She'll take you for a walk through the garden. Wouldn't that be nice? Then we should be ready for our session. You can tell me all about this Steve." He got up and walked away.

After a few more minutes, she was in control of her limbs again, but they still felt fatigued. A side effect from these drugs, she knew. So she couldn't start lashing out again. It wasn't the first time it had been administered. The feeling would be gone by morning.

Nurse Harington, Jess, came over, smiling at Claudia, and unhook her from her restraints. Claudia always liked Jess. She was older than Claudia, somewhere in her mid-thirties and seemed to be with a different guy every other week. She was one of the few people who didn't treat Claudia as though she was completely insane. She didn't ask her about her feelings or about the world inside Claudia's head. She just kind of hung out with Claudia, talking about her life, her boyfriends, and her daughter, who was now about three years old.

"What do you think, Claud? Should we take the long path around the gardens? If we walk slowly enough we might be able to be late for your appointment. We'll just tell Dr. Michener that it was because you're still lethargic from the drugs." Claudia nodded and smiled, rubbing her wrists, sore from fighting against her bindings.

They walked around the gardens as Jess rambled on about her newest conquest and how he was 'the one'. Every guy she met was always 'the one'. Claudia always knew better as she never introduced any of these men to her daughter. Claudia remained silent throughout their walk. The longer she was here, the less she was sure it was all just a dream. Many times she tried to close her eyes and hoped that when she opened them, she would be back in her room in the B&B. But each time she was still walking in the garden with Jill.

She did have to admit that the gardens were beautiful. Full of flowers with calming smells and colors. In the center there was an ornate stone fountain with biblical carvings all over. The nuns who owned the facility had originally meant it to be a place of prayer and religious reflection, but now it was mainly just used as a way of getting the patients outside and trying to calm them. Claudia thought it was pretty, but wasn't sure how calm one could feel with the knowledge that they were practically in a cage. The entirety garden had been incased in a large fence with a coded, locked gate after the first patient decided to drown himself in the fountain.

All too soon, Claudia was back inside the facility and headed toward the office of the man she hated and feared. She sat down in the chair on the other side of his desk. Jess closed the door as she left Claudia alone with Dr. Michener.

"So, Claudia. We're already seven minutes into the session so what do you say we just get started. Cooperate with me today and then maybe we won't have to have any of these one-on-one sessions for a while."

Claudia swallowed hard. He knew she hated these sessions. In groups, she could get away with not saying much. But when all the attention was focused on her, she felt naked.

"During your last catatonic state," the doctor began, "You spoke a lot about Myka. What did the two of you discuss?"

If this was all a nightmare, it couldn't hurt her to tell him, right? "You," she decided to say.

"What about me."

"You're not real. None of this is real." She kept her voice emotionless, stating this as though it was an obvious fact that everyone was aware of.

The doctor sighed. "Claudia. I'm going to be honest with you here. I'm afraid you're reverting. I thought we had gotten through this. This is the real world. I know it's not pleasant being in this place, but the sooner you accept it, the sooner we can help you and get you out of here."

Claudia said nothing. She held her lips tightly together, biting them.

Dr. Michener stood up and walked to the other side of his desk, leaning against it in front of where she was sitting. Claudia tensed.

"Tell me again. What is it that you and the Warehouse team do in this world?"

Claudia hesitated, but she was afraid of what he would do to her if she didn't speak. Plus he already knew the answer. "We search for artifacts that are wreaking havoc all over the world and pose a danger to society."

"Right. And how do these 'artifacts' as you call them cause these problems?"

Claudia knew where he was going with this, but decided to try and defend her world anyways. "It's not really clear but they always belong to influential people from history and somehow become imbibed with that person's energy." She knew how ridiculous she sounded.

"So, magic? Claudia. You've been in my care for years now. I know you well enough to know that you are a young woman of logic and science. You know as well as I do that doesn't make any sense." He walked so he was standing behind her chair. "You created this world because you were lonely. You wanted people who you saw as family. People who would care about you and accept you for who you are. But that's not you. This is you. A girl who has been through a lot of unfortunate events. Losing one family member after the other. It only makes sense that you want a safe place to hide. But this place can be more detrimental than you think. You are an intelligent girl who has infinite potential of what you could accomplish. But if you are still stuck in here, you'll never be able to accomplish it." Claudia feels him walk up to her chair so he is right behind her. "Before you can do great things, you need to get better. You need to accept that what is going on here is real. You need to relax and admit that this world could be real."

He placed his hands on Claudia's shoulders and started massaging them. She tensed up even more as he began rubbing her. He was right though. She couldn't tell him that she knew this world was just a nightmare. She couldn't convince someone else of something she couldn't even convince herself. She thought about the list she had been writing before Myka had visited her. Or had she written it during her last therapy session. She couldn't be sure anymore.

His massaging increased in pressure and he began to move down her arms. If she hadn't been uncomfortable before, she certainly was now. She quickly stood up from her chair and pulled away from his grip. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed at him. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" She backed as far away from him as she could, up against the wall, and slid down it. Hands over her ears, eyes clenched tight, still screaming at him. She was vaguely aware of people entering into the room, calling out her name.

"Claudia? Claudia! Wake up, Claudia!" Someone had grabbed onto her shoulders and was shaking her. Hard.

Afraid Dr. Michener had put his hands on her again, she opened her eyes. In front of her she saw a pair of blue/gray eyes and a head of curly brown hair. "Myka?" her voice quivered, coming out as barely a whisper.

"Ya, Claud. It's me." She said giving Claudia a sad smile. Myka put her hand on Claudia's cheek and caught her eye. "I'm right here. Are you okay? Was it what we talked about last night?"

Unable to form words, Claudia just nodded and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Myka, needing the physical contact to ensure this world was real. Myka wrapped her arms around Claudia as she tried her hardest not to cry. Over Myka's shoulder she saw Pete, Steve, and Artie standing in her bedroom doorway, each with a worried look on his face. She looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with any of them. Embarrassed that they were seeing her like that. It was one thing to show this fear in front of Myka, who had seen this side of her last night. But it was an entire different thing for the rest of her friends to finally become aware of just how broken and vulnerable she was. As if sensing her thoughts, Steve reached forward and shut the door to her room, leaving her alone with Myka.

She held onto Myka tightly for a few more moments. She could feel herself shaking as Myka's hand gently rubbed her back. She pulled away and sat back, looking around the room frantically for something to convince her of the reality of her world.

Myka knew what she was doing. "Claudia," Myka started, "look at me." She did. Myka grabbed her hands and held them between her own. "This is the real world. Okay? This is where you belong."

Claudia wasn't so sure anymore. "I… I don't know anymore, Myka. It all seemed so real when I was there. The longer I was there the more real it seemed. But the longer I'm here the more real it seems too. The people who I interact with in both worlds make convincing arguments as to why their world is the real one and I can't figure it out anymore. I can't figure out which is real and which isn't."

Myka hugged her again, holding her even tighter this time. "I don't know how to help you. But I promise you we will figure it out. We can talk to Pete and Artie and Steve and together we will figure something out. Maybe there's an artifact out there that deals with realities and can make you see the real one."

Claudia nodded. She knew that after this morning she would have to tell the other agents what has been going on. There was no hiding any longer.

"How did you know I was dreaming?" Claudia asked Myka.

Myka sat back and Claudia saw a glimmer of fear in her eyes. "You were screaming. I told the other that you had been up late last night and we should let you sleep. We were all sitting down for breakfast when we heard you screaming. We all rushed up the stairs, thinking that someone or something was attacking you. Artie was the first to your room, but when he saw you lying there, screaming and tangled in the sheets, he didn't seem to know what to do. You kept telling someone to get away from you. I remembered our conversation from last night and figured it had something to do with that and knew the only way to get you out of there was to wake you up. It took over a minute for me to actually be able to wake you."

That scared Claudia. What if it kept taking her longer and longer to wake up until she no longer could and she was trapped in the hell her mind had created forever.

"Do you want to talk about it, Claudia?"

Claudia shook her head. "No. I just want to take a shower, drink a gallon of coffee, and never sleep again." She stood up and grabbed a towel and started heading to the bathroom.

"Claudia, wait."

She halted with her hand on the doorknob.

"You know you're going to have to tell the others now, right."

She turned back and nodded, not meeting Myka's eyes.

"Do you want me to tell them? Just the basics of it at least?"

She nodded. "That would be great. Thanks." At least this way they could be over the initial shock when she herself had to answer their questions.

Claudia turned and headed for the shower, hoping cold water would wake her up, leaving Myka sitting on her bed.

As she stepped under the freezing stream of water, her entire body shook. It wasn't because of the water.


End file.
